A Letter from Heaven...

I came across this story on the internet not long ago. A very touching story about the death of a nine year-old boy who suffered from cancer, and a letter he wrote to his mother from the skies above.
Shortly after his funeral, the boy's mother sat alone in his bedroom, clutching his toys and stuff, weeping in silence and asking herself, 'of all the things I have in this world, why must God take away my little baby?' At that very moment, the mother sensed a sudden urge to look through her son's drawers, and there it was. A letter addressed to 'Mommy', and she could recognize that handwriting anywhere. It was a letter from her son.

'Dear mommy. Upon reaching the gates of heaven, I was given a very warm welcome. The angels all around me sang beautifully, and God greeted me with a big smile. I sat on His lap and asked Him if I could write to you from heaven, but He politely said no. I told Him that you would be missing me so much, and I just wanted to tell you not to worry about me. He smiled again and gave me His pen and a piece of paper. He told me that only you can read this 'magic' letter, as it would appear blank to everyone else.
I don't want you to cry for me anymore, mommy. I'm happy here and I want you to be happy too. Now that I'm in heaven, my cancer is gone and I no longer feel any pain. So, you don't have to worry. The angels have promised to take good care of me here, and I'm pretty sure they will.
I don't want you to throw away all my stuff. I want you to keep them, not because I want you to always think of me. But I want you and Daddy to adopt a son, and give him everything that was once mine. My clothes, my toys, and the endless love that you have always provided. I never wanted to leave you, but since I'm gone now, I want you to always have a son to love, just like when you had me.
I have to go now, mommy. God says He needs His pen to write in the Book of Life. Maybe I'll write again to you some other time. The angel Gabriel will take this letter to you, and I told him to put it somewhere in my room. I don't know where, but I'm glad you found it.

I'll always love you, mommy. I'll love you forever, just like how you love me. Sorry for leaving you and Daddy, but I'm sure there's something better awaiting you ahead. Goodbye, mommy.
PS. Don't forget to thank God for lending me His pen.'

I almost cried reading this. The letter was from a NINE year-old. Even children know that life must go on, no matter how bad it may seem. Come to think of it, do you realize how WE usually react to life's trials and tribulations?

Romeo & Juliet...

This song was originally recorded by Dire Straits back in the 1980's and was recently covered by The Killers. According to Brandon Flowers, this is one the most 'beautiful' songs he had ever listened to. I'd have to agree with Flowers. I don't know why, but this song IS just so beautiful.

A lovestruck Romeo, sings the streets a serenade
Laying everybody low with a love song that he made
Finds a streetlight, steps out of the shade
Says something like, "You and me, babe, how about it?"

Juliet says, "Hey, it's Romeo, you nearly gave me a heart attack"
He's underneath the window, she's singing "Hey, la, my boyfriend's back!
You shouldn't come around here, singing up people like that
Anyway, what you gonna do about it?"

Juliet, the dice was loaded from the start
And I bet, that you exploded in my heart
And I forget, I forget.. the movie song
When you gonna realize, it was just that the time was wrong, Juliet?

Come up on different streets, they both were streets of shame
Both dirty, both mean, yes and the dream was just the same
And I dream your dream for you and now your dream is real
How can you look at me, as if I was just another one of your deals?

Well, you can fall for chains of silver, you can fall for chains of gold
You can fall for pretty strangers and the promises they hold
You promised me everything, you promised me thick and thin, yeah
Now you just say, "Oh, Romeo, yeah, you know I used to have a scene with him"

Juliet, when we made love, you used to cry
I said, "I love you like the stars above, I love you 'till I die"
And there's a place for us, you know the movie song
When you gonna realize, it was just that the time was wrong, Juliet?

I can't do the talk, like the talk on the TV
And I can't do a love song, like the way it's meant to be
I can't do everything, but I'd do anything for you
I can't do anything except be in love with you

And all I do is miss you and the way we used to be
All I do is keep the beat, and the bad company
And all I do is kiss you, through the bars of a Rhyme
Juliet, I'd do the stars with you any time

The lyrics may not sound so beautiful, as the song is about two 'lovers' who learnt the art of 'love making' from watching the movies(quoted from Mark Knopfler of D.S.). But listening to it brings out a totally different feeling. Maybe you should try and see for yourselves...

The Battle will be Won...

I woke up this evening with a big smile on my face. Things seem to tilt towards the brighter side of life, and nothing seems out of place. Most of the things from the 'CRAP checklist'(originally named '@$$ignments galore') have been completed and submitted, although some are now LOST due to some technical malfunctions(cobaan...). But still, aku tetap bersyukur kepada Tuhan for the 'ketenangan dan kedamaian' in my life right now.
I received a call from 'the Mothership of Love' a few minutes after waking up(your mom will always know when you're awake, even in the middle of the night, so always remember her). She wished me the best in submitting all my work and told me she'd pray hard for me may I pass the exams with flying colours(terima kasih, Umi. you're the best, and you'll always be).
That was all about the 'Mothership of Love'. What about the 'Epitome of Sweetness?' =p Well, things have been unfolding interestingly this whole week, and I hope they will get better and better. There are always the 'pros and cons' when you get involved in something, but we're both looking up at the pros for now. Let all the others who are being negative about this say whatever they want. When they're done talking, they'll shut up eventually. So, why bother? 'Sticks and stones may break my bones, but your words will NEVER hurt me.'
The next two weeks will still be hell, but with this 'awakening' within me, hell will freeze over one day(it's just a metaphorical expression, dan tidak terlintas sedikit pun niat di hati untuk mempersoalkan ciptaan Tuhan). No more groping in the dark trying to find my way out. I see bright lights everywhere around me, and right now, I'm really lucky to have this little angel by my side to help guide me towards the better things in life.
'One day, time will tell and truth will prevail'. When that time has finally come, the battle will be won. Trust me on this one...=)

Cigarettes, Coffee & Building Sandcastles in the Air...

I'm sitting by the window, listening to the rain, wishing someone was here to share these 'syahdu' moments with me. Just someone I could talk to, or someone to be quiet with. Looking at a friend's checklist of crap a.k.a. @$$ignments to be done, I put on my usual fake plastic smile(with clenched fists). Sabar, bro. Sabar separuh dari iman..
Suddenly, I thought of what happened last night. Mengenangkan ke'kentang'an tindak-tanduk aku, aku tertawa seorang diri. It's okay. At least I tried. Quoting a friend's words, 'At least you have the courage to tell kan?' And whatever happens, I'm prepared for any consequences.
As I start feeling bored listening to the pitter-patter of the never-ending rain outside, I surf the net and search for that song. That song which I've never heard for quite a long time. But, why that song? Don't bother figuring out. =p

'Untaian rasa yang kuselitkan,
semoga mampu meluluhkan hati pemilik senyum itu...
Pelbagai cara akan kucuba,
agar aku takkan kehilangan pandangan dari senyum itu...
Dan di saat kukatakan, jadi kekasihku,
akan membuat kau jauh lebih hebat...'

Hahaha. Jiwang siot aku. But then again, building sandcastles in the air once in a while helps relieve all that stress. Trust me. It does.
I think soon enough, this fake plastic smile of mine will be go right into the incinerator. =)

Super Seven : Masters of the Pitch

Guess what? We do have skillful Malaysians on the football field, scattered all over the four corners of the globe. Why don't F.A.M. try giving them international call-ups? =p

Suhaili 'TaroTaro' Basri
Age : 19
Position : Centre Forward
Nationality : French/Malaysian
Club : Arsenal Youth (England)
Awards : Barclays Youth Player of the Year 08
Jersey No : 14

Azroy de Crucken Minoza (Krakinho)
Age : 20
Position : Right Wing Back
Nationality : Brazilian/Spanish/Malaysian
Club : Boca Juniors (Argentina)
Awards : Copa Libertadores Best Young Player 08
Jersey No : 4

Khairul Luis Carew
Age : 23
Position : Attacking Midfielder
Nationality : Jamaican/Malaysian
Club : Werder Bremen (Germany)
Awards : Most Assists, Bundesliga 07-08
Jersey No : 10

Zarul Z. McPhae
Age : 26
Position : Defensive Midfielder
Nationality : English/Malaysian
Club : Newcastle United (England)
Awards : EPL Youth Player of the Year 98
Jersey No : 8

Sep Tawameru
Age : 17
Position : Left Winger
Nationality : Indian/Malaysian
Club : East Bengal (India)
Status : Wonderkid
Jersey No : 11

'Sticky' Icky Kimura
Age : 23
Position : Centre Defender
Nationality : Japanese/Malaysian
Club : Woodlands Wellingtons (Singapore)
Awards : Best Foreign Player, S-League 08
Jersey No : 3

Gianluigi Boteng
Age : 21
Position : Goalkeeper
Nationality : Italian/Malaysian
Club : Juventus Reserves (Italy)
Awards : Best Goalkeeper, FIFA Youth World Cup 07
Jersey No : 28

Mati Hidup Kembali...

Jalanraya terlampau sunyi untukku terus bermimpi
Mataku belum mengantuk lagi, bawa ke mana saja ku pergi
Tunjukkan aku bulan gerhana, tiada siapa yang nak kujumpa
Benda yang tiada kusangka ada, oh tak mengapa, oh tak mengapa

Angkasa penuh dengan bunyian, kucapai sebelah tangan
Di sebalik awan ada cahaya, bercahayalah selamanya
Aku tertawa seorang diri, darah yang mengalir terhenti
Fikiranku melayang-layang, tiada siapa yang perasan

Malam semalam gundah gulana
Hari ini hari mulia
Tak pernah daku rasa begini
Seperti mati hidup kembali

Bawaku hilang dari ingatan
Hari ini sehingga esok
Tak pernah daku rasa begini
Seperti MATI HIDUP KEMBALI...

(this song has been going over and over in my head for the past few days. is there something yang buat aku rasa seperti mati hidup kembali?=p)

Rock & Roll Never Dies!

We've not had our usual jamming sessions recently, due to the heavy workload everyone's complaining about, and I think my nerves are all tied up. All work and no play made Jack a dull boy, and I would never want that to happen to me. Kawan2 ku..marilah kita g jam..please?huhu..
I'm not a professional, but I'm lucky to have band-mates who have their own skills and talents. Every time we jam, I don't feel like an amateur, because these dudes never fail to light up my spirits. That's why we always 'rock & roll' like there's no tomorrow!=p
Music has always been the one thing that bonds us together, although we're all different in many ways. Different music genres or ideologies? F**k that crap. Music is universal, and you should be thankful to The Al-Mighty for blessing you with these little things called ears so that you can listen to all the comforting sounds everywhere around you.
I'm not picky with music, because I grew up listening to many many different types of music(my late dad used to be a musician during his pre-marital years, but he gave it up as my mother didn't approve of it as a decent profession). I knew about QUEEN, LED ZEPPELIN, BLACK SABBATH and all other 'rock & roll powerhouses' before I even started primary school, and I've never discriminated any type of music that I hear. Indon? J-Rock? Pop? Heck, I can even sing along to some Hindustani songs that my mom loves!hahahaha..
Music may be percieved as 'melalaikan' by certain people(no offence to anyone), but music to me is chicken soup for the soul. It's you who determines whether it's 'melalaikan' or not. You don't have to neglect other important matters in life just to cater to your fanatism towards music. You don't have to give up your career just to pursue your dreams of becoming a rock-star. When you get tangled up in all those shit, that's when it becomes really 'melalaikan'.
And now, i'm preaching about music(how ironic!). I think I'd better stop before I go further on and on and on. You may have heard this before, but I'm still going to say it. 'A lot of things in life may come and go, but ROCK & ROLL NEVER DIES!!!'

There's a Lumberjack in My Heart...

Breaking up with someone after three++ years of 'commited' courting sucks big time. Your heart has always been true to this particular person through all those years, but suddenly you wake up one morning and she isn't there anymore. Wait and hope all you want, sucker, but she's never coming back. Just deal with it.
Done. And the results? You now have a heart of stone. You vow(with pure hatred and vengeance) that you'll NEVER commit yourself to a relationship with the opposite gender until you've completed your 'foya2 di kala bujang' period.(FYI, this period does not necessarily involve 'sex, drugs n rock & roll', so please wipe out those stereotypical thoughts!)
Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, you slowly forget the one who left and you move on, without any intentions of falling in love again for now until who-knows-when.
Until one day...jeng jeng jeng...
Someone unintentionally 'unlocks' your heart, without even having to use words or actions. She lets the lumberjack in just like that. You try to deny it, telling yourself that it's just a 'temporary crush' like the ones you used to have during high school. But that darn lumberjack seems to grow bigger and stronger everyday, and your heart is beaten into pulp everytime you look at her. Now, we have a serious problem, mister.
You are way way way out of her league. Yup. 'Bagaikan merak kayangan dengan gagak yang busuk.' And it's not about the beauty of this peacock(although she is sooo sweet), its everything about her that makes the crow feel totally inferior. She is humble, charming, polite, intellectual(intelligence is sexy) and most importantly, she is the type of girl who speaks her mind.
So, what do you do now? Tell her how you feel(and prepare yourself for rejection) or just keep your lips sealed?
Whatever it is, you better start thinking of the next move quickly, coz this lumberjack will go on beating the crap out of your tiny little heart until something is done...

In Loving Memories...

When Allahyarham Kamaruzzaman Sarjonoh passed away back in 2006, I was still getting to know him. We rarely met after I enrolled into boarding school, as I was home only during the long school holidays. He was of course, 'rarely' at home, but I couldn't blame him for being a Singaporean and having to keep his job over at the tiny republic just to make sure we had food on our table.
'Don't they always seem to go? You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone.' I'd have to agree with Joni Mitchell. I've always had an angel of a father, but being the pathetic homosapien that I am, I've never realized that fact until the day The Al-Mighty called his name from up in the heavens.
His absence remains a deafening silence in the air around me until this very day, stirring up emotions inside me that I have yet learnt to stifle with words. I had not only lost a father; I lost a friend, a strong supportive hand and a guardian. He was the type of man I wanted to grow up to be when I was a child, but I know I will never get even close to that level.
If there was a Noble prize for the best father, Allahyarham would have nailed it for many years running. No doubt about that. He would also have won countless medals of honour for his courage, passion and determination during his tireless 'years of service'. But even if he didn't get all that, I would still be the proudest son on the entire planet.
Allahyarham may not be here with me today, but I know that he can always see and hear me from up there, smiling and striking his favourite 'thumbs-up' pose whenever I acheive success in anything I do.
'You will make my strength your own. You may feel left-out at times, but always remember that you are never alone. You will see my life through your eyes, the way I see yours through mine.'
In loving memories, I recite Al-Fatihah and pray may Allah SWT bless your soul for eternity...We all miss you...

Days of Ashes...

'if you can't beat them, join them!' Well, here I am. I must admit, I'm not an ardent fan of blogs and stuff, but after going through some of my friends' writings (due to the thought of 'apa lagi kah yg harus ku buat dgn servis internet ini?') 'bloggin' does seem quite interesting after all.
I seriously don't care if nobody ever visits this page and what not, because it's MY blog. It's my own personal space where I can speak whatever I want about whatever I think. Malaysia is, after all, a democratic country where everyone is free to speak their minds, right?
Speaking of minds, I'm glad I've finally 'freed' my mind from all those thoughts and memories of yesteryear, which have kept haunting me and killing me slowly from inside. I no longer wake up in the middle of the night, cursing and swearing after dreaming of things that I can't possibly get. I no longer contemplate whether things would return into place like how it used to be before. I no longer believe that life has always been unfair, or that 'nice guys finish last'.
These fears and shadows may still remain inside me, but my days of ashes are officially over. It's time I start savouring the things that matter the most to me, rather than wishing for things that aren't just meant to be. It's time for me to live my life the way I want it to be and explore everything that comes my way.
I would like to thank my blood-brothers (you know who you are, dudes) for sticking with me through thick and thin and helping me get back on my own two feet after I crippled myself falling from the skies. One of my brothers once mentioned, 'Love may come and go, but brotherhood is thicker than the blood running through your veins.' Right on, brother.
I may have lost the one thing that I've held on to for so long, but I'm not going to lose anything anymore. I'm not the same old boy who was always dreaming of a happy life ahead of him, but I'm now a man who is working his ass off to ensure that 'happy life ahead of him' becomes a reality.
So long, days of ashes. It's time to start over fresh and sober, free from any left-overs of yesteryear...