In This Politically Corrupted World...

If you were hanging from a cliff and all you needed was a fuck to save your life, George Bush would just stand there on top of you with a pocket full of fucks and say, "You know I don't give a fuck." -Chris Rock

When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint. But when I ask why the poor have no food, they call me a communist. -western philosopher Cameron

No matter what side of argument you're on, you'll always find people on your side that you wish were on the other. -Thomas Berger

There is nothing more corrupting and destructive of the noblest and finest feelings of our nature, than the exercise of unlimited power. -William Henry Harrison

A New Dawn, A New Day, A New Life

Recent updates in my ordinary, average life (for whom these may concern):

1. It has been two months since I started working at CD, an advertising company in Damansara Perdana which is full of interesting people and events. The meaning of the two initials remain a mystery, boggling the minds of many since more than a decade ago. The job? Proofreader cum editor cum writer (multi-task beb) and to those who think ini kerja remeh dan mudah, think again. It's excruciating. Seriously. It is.

2. I am now occupying 1/3 of a flat in Flora Damansara, which is a 5-minute drive or a 10-minute jog or a 20-minute walk to and from Damansara Perdana. Being the environmentalist that I am, the everyday journey on foot to and from the office is sheer poetry. (sheer terror during thunderstorms) Living on the 22nd floor of a 24-storey flat, life after work will always revolve around home, as there is nothing else to do and nowhere else to go. It sucks.

3. The MORE I eat, the THINNER I get. (???) This would be a flawless victory to those from the other gender, being able to consume non-stop but showing no physical change. But for us guys, being too thin = erm awak ni ada isap ape2 ke? (no human organ implied here) For the upteenth time, I've had the same problems with my mom and sis everytime I meet them during the holidays. I need to gain weight!!!

Enough updates for the moment. (bos dah usya lain macam. tray penuh tapi dok ber'tenet' plak) We'll meet again, Insya-Allah. Semoga aku terus sabar menempuh hari-hari baru yang menjelang...

Wearing Thin Down to the Core...

I'm thankful to ALLAH for all the great and wonderful stuff in my life. I also know that life's trials and tribulations are all qada' dan qadar. Everything happens for a reason, hence the famous saying 'ada hikmah di sebaliknya'.
Today, I realised something that I had missed all these while. Life is about knowing the exact moment to let go of things that you can't hold on to. For all you stereotypes out there, this is not 'running away from your problems'. I would call it 'creating better chances'. For yourself; and for others around you.
I know where I stand. My feet have always been on the wrong side of the fence. I've always been told that I belong here, but I don't. I was being too confident that I forgot who I was. I thought I'd never fall apart, but I am. I tried and tried and tried, but the efforts have just not been good enough.
Today, I take a vow. I will become somebody one day. I will prove that I'm not just a good-for-nothing jackass. Until that day comes by, I've got nothing against anyone and I blame nobody but myself for everything that has happened.
I'm just a man who wants to be happy. I will pursue that happiness, whatever it takes. Even if I have to keep searching for it until my hands bleed.
Yang baik itu dari ALLAH, yang buruk itu dari kelemahan diri saya sendiri.

Malaysian Football = Good Entertainment

Forget Chelsea vs Man U. Tonight is all about Piala Malaysia. So bila cakap pasal bola Malaysia, kena la guna bahasa ibunda. Baru ada feel. Hohoho. Maka tanpa membuang masa, saya persembahkan final score Piala Carok eh Piala Malaysia 2009 yang telah berlangsung di Stadium Bukit Jalil sebentar tadi.

Kelantan 1 -indra putra mahyudin
Negeri Sembilan 3 -shahrul ain, hairuddin omar, zaquan adha(p)

Scoreline yang agak menarik. Tapi lebih banyak yang menarik. Marilah kita recap bersama detik-detik bermakna sepanjang perlawanan.

1.encik zaquan adha yang tak henti-henti terjatuh dan tergolek-golek dan tersakit-sakit. tau la pemain pro. mengerang sikit orang medik dah menggelabah datang menghadap. tapi sampai keluar padang naik stretcher EMPAT kali. capap ke apa, bro?

2.die-hard fans kelantan (konon) yang seronok membakar kain rentang yang diorang gak penat-penat buat dan usung ke stadium. kena 3 bijik dah bakar banner & kerusi, tembak mercun, baling botol. nasib baik n9 tak score 8. kalau tak tinggal rangka la stadium tu. (bakar kerusi eh?batak giler perangai korang)

3.seperti biasa, tempo perlawanan yang berubah kepada mode malas selepas minit ke 60++. final ke tak final ke, ketahanan stamina tetap menjadi masalah kepada pemain-pemain kita. but then again, kalau fans pun dah start maki hamun team sendiri, baling-baling benda kat players yang diorang support, memang ar malas nak main(note the m'sian mentality.haha).

4.last but not least, (ni aku bangun angkat tabik) consolation goal kelate. trademark free kick dari encik indra putra. untuk standard kita, kira power la gol macam tu. bukan selalu bole buat kan? satu lagi sebab itu gol ke-11 untul abang botak kurus, maka beliau telah beat 10 gol zaquan adha lalu meraih penjaring terbanyak Piala Carok eh Piala Malaysia. boo zaquan boo. Hahahaha.

Empat jek detik menarik sepanjang 90 minit? Good enough la for a local game. Hidup bola kita. Majulah sukan untuk negara.
Sekian, terima kasih.

Expectations vs Reality...

In '500 Days of Summer', there is an interesting split-screen part which portrayed two very different situations at the same time. One showed what Tom expected; what he really really wanted to happen. The other showed what actually happened; as always, reality will bite you hard in the arse no matter how big you dream.

Life is not like how it is in the movies. But at least the split-screen part was right.
'You always want what you can't have, but you've got to try.' Even if you know things will never turn out right in the end? Even if you know you'll eventually fuck things up? I'm not being a pessimist here. I'm just being realistic.
People scoff and laugh their heads off when FAM set their targets for Malaysia to play in World Cup 2014. Is that being negative? I admit, I love my country and I belt out my full support for the boys in yellow wherever and whoever they play. But in reference to the 'target', please. BE REALISTIC.
Back to the issue being discussed. I want a happy life ahead of me. Who doesn't? Only right now, I don't see it coming soon. Heck, I don't see it coming at all. Quoting Carlos Luiz Zafon's words, 'when you doubt yourself even for a minute, you've lost that hope to carry on'.
Yes, I've lost all hope right now. Diri sendiri pun tak terjaga. Dah macam sampah. Macam mana nak jaga orang lain?
There is a hint of truth in that statement, harsh as it is. Expectations? No more. Time to get real. Fake plastic smile? Your service is greatly required right now. Hey ho. Let's go.

Crunch Time at the Kop

As all the hype goes, Man U travel to Ainfield to face Liverpool tomorrow and the devils head into the match with a hint of advantage over the recent lackluster form of their hosts. I am a fan of neither teams, but this fixture should not be missed for the neutrals.
I'm pretty sure most of us still remember the results of their last encounter. Man U successfully went on to lose(haha) 4-1 to the Reds in a scintillating performance by Captain Marvel and Co.
However, things aren't looking so good for the Kop faithful this time around. Man U, despite carving scrappy wins over lowly oppositions, are at least winning their games. Liverpool have unfortunately loss all four of their recent matches, but that is not their biggest problem. With Gerrard and Torres still doubtful to start because of injuries, the Reds actually pose a far lesser threat than when the two are available.
They may still have other attacking options in Kuyt, Babel and Benayoun, but let's just face it. Liverpool without Gerrard and Torres is just plain..well, plain. Even the big man Carragher seems to have lost his composure, thus the defensive errors in their back line leading to the recent losses.
BUT. We all know that anything can happen in football. And if Rafa's men can strike up another 'miracle' in front of the home crowd tomorrow, it would be the latest installment in the never-ending series of premiere league drama for this season. That's just what we love about football. Biar jela kalau national team or league kita quality macam hampeh. At least there is still entertainment in the many other football fields around us.

From 'Kid'ulthood to Adulthood...

Last weekend, I got back in touch with a long-lost cousin whom I've never met since we finished primary school. There was a lot of catching up to be done, although things were very much awkward at first as the only thing we had in common were the memories of our childhood days together.
As our little 'jejak kasih' program unfolded, I couldn't help but ask her the question.
'The boys. Are they yours?'
'Yes, of course. Eh. You didn't know?'
You bet I didn't. My cousin is now a single mother with two beautiful sons. I wasn't taken aback with the fact that she got married at the age of 18. I wasn't offended because I didn't know all these while. I was a little pissed when I found out that the jerk she married just went missing a couple of years back and I felt sorry for her and company.
But what really knocked my senses into me, was how she had managed to hold the edges and keep it together after all that she'd been through. I asked myself there and then, how would I fair in a situation like that?
People my age are generally regarded as 'young adults' and, as the term shows, we are expected to think, speak and act the way adults do. They don't give in to difficult times; they try to make the best out of it, be it having to work longer working hours or juggling two jobs at once. They are in total control of their emotions when things go bad somewhere(sparks may fly once in a while, but nobody's perfect). They will eventually turn out winners against life's challenging journey, and successfully pave a clear path for not only their future, but for their children as well.
I must admit, I still feel like I'm stuck in my teenage years. That transition of maturity and character seems to have not kicked in at full throttle, although the age suggests otherwise.
Do I fear for my future? Sometimes. Well, '30% sometimes'. The other 70%? Yours truly is usually spotted with friends, enjoying life and 'living it to the fullest' (quote here as the term is used to reflect irony).
On the verge of adulthood? Not quite. The time will come(hopefully soon) but right now, I'm at the peak of 'kid'ulthood.

Sadness, Fear, Regret, LOVE...

My Significant Other,

I am sad whenever we argue. It hurts to feel your doubts and mistrust. I am sad whenever we disagree. It hurts when you keep misunderstanding me. I am sad when you are unhappy with me. I am sad when you are frustrated and disappointed with me. It hurts when you are not excited to see me. I am sad when sometimes I feel like you wouldn't even notice if I wasn't here. It hurts when I feel like you don't care.

I am afraid that you don't care. I am afraid you don't even know why I'm upset. I am afraid we are drifting further apart. I am afraid if I can't do anything about it. I am afraid that I am boring to you. I am afraid of making mistakes. I am afraid I can't do what I want without upsetting you. I am afraid of looking incompetent. I am afraid you don't appreciate me. I am afraid I can't make you happy. I am afraid I am not good enough.

I am sorry I hurt you. I am sorry that I became so cold. I am sorry for being so resistant to your ideas. I am sorry for making your feelings wrong. I am sorry that I judged you. I am sorry that I can't stay calm whenever we talk. I feel so embarrassed for being so emotional. I am sorry that I am not more accepting. I am ashamed that I am not more loving. You don't deserve to be treated that way.

I want you to be happy. I want to work this out. I want to support you like you always have. I understand that you're upset. I know that you're not just trying to make me feel bad. I know that you really do care. Forgive me for being so indifferent. Forgive me for being so invalidating of your feelings. I want to be your hero and I want you to admire me for being who I am. I understand you are doing your best. I know that you love me, and I want to love you back in many more loving ways...

with love,
Your Other Half

Back in Black...

It has been a while since I was here. Many things around me have changed. Some good, some bad, some pretty, some ugly. The undeniable and startling fact? I still remain the same.
Today is the 1st day of Ramadan(happy fasting to all Muslims out there) and I've decided to start this 'bulan baik' with new hopes, wishes, dreams and resolutions for the future.
To my beloved sister Rabiatul Basariah, congratulations on the birth of your second child, Qistina Maisarah(my 2nd niece and my 5th anak sedara). I hope she's all fit and strong now after a few weeks in the incubator(you poor little baby), and I'm sure she'll grow up to be a fine young lady one day. Just like her mom.
Ummi, I'm sorry I can't always be there for you at times when you needed me most. I know you'd understand(like you always have since I was a kid), but still- I'm sorry. There are lots of things to be done here, but I promise that I'll make it up to you one day. I will always pray for your safety and well-being all the time, wherever you are, whatever you do. I promise you, this coming Aidilfitri will be the one of the best 'hari raya' celebrations for our little family. Insya-Allah.
To all my friends out there, please forgive my ignorance and neglectance. I know I can be a total jerk sometimes(M.I.A. most of the time and being so hard to reach), but believe me- I've NEVER forgotten any single one of you. That's why I'm trying so hard to get back in touch with you guys, although some of us have never exchanged words since years and years ago. Forgive me, my friends. Aku tidak pernah lupa daratan. Dan aku bukanlah si kacang yang melupakan kulitnya. Aku masih sayang kamu semua.
This entry will go on and on and on as I still have plenty to say, but I think that's all for starters. I'll be spending most of my time here after this, Insya-Allah, babbling away about the significant and insignificant changes happening around me, day in and day out.
Semoga yang baik kita jadikan petunjuk dan tauladan, yang buruk kita jadikan garis sempadan.

It feels so good to be back. I'm back in black, still with that fake plastic smile across my face.

A 'Love-Note' to a 'Lovely Friend'

You mess with one of us, you mess with all of us, dammit!

I'm really pissed off. I hate hypocrites. They keep on pretending and hiding behind that fake friendly face and at the same time, they're happily going around stabbing everyone else's backs. You think we're six year-old kids who can't see what you're actually up to? Well, I've got something to say. A few things actually. Fuck you. Fuck you. And FUCK YOU.

You think you can hurt my friends and just walk away with it? You think you can get away after all that you've done? You're wrong. We NEVER forget. We'll be coming for you one day. And when that day comes, you're going to pray so hard you've never met us before.

This is not a threat. This is a promise. We will come for you. Just keep on running, because that's the one and only thing you can do for now. But remember-you can't run forever. Your legs will eventually give way, and when you least expect it, we'll be right behind you.

Don't worry. We're not going to hurt you. We're going to hurt you REAL BAD. Trust me on this one, sucker. You picked the wrong people to mess with.

Somebody Save Me...

There are tons of things on my mind right now. I need someone to talk to. I really do. I'm sick and tired. I'm taking my own life with boredom and I'm smoking the brains out of my head. I want it all to go away. Somebody please make it all go away. Somebody please come and save me...

Lyrical Lines of Life

These are excerpts of dialogues from some movies & TV shows. It's not about the messages or ideas that they convey, but they've always been around in my head. Maybe it's just me, or maybe they really do mean something. Whatever la... =p

'I know what I want because I have it here right in my arms. So if it's not me that you want then you'd better tell me.'

'I hate those T-shirts with the word STUPID and an arrow pointing upwards. I mean, who's above me?'

'I hear everything. You wrote that the world doesn't need a saviour, but every day I hear people calling for one.'

'What do you believe in?'
'I believe that whatever doesn't kill you simply makes you...stranger.'

'I'm not fuckin' A.D.D.'
'Hey, you don't use that word in front of your mom!'
'What's wrong with A.D.D?'
'The other one, smart-ass!'

'You think you're better than everyone else?'
'I AM better than everyone else. And that's not a belief. It's a FACT.'

'Live for nothing, or die for something.'

'Whenever he sees hope, you see destruction. I guess I'm voting for the other brother now.'

'Are you falling asleep?'
'No. I'm falling apart.'

We Can Heal...

Sacrifice is something that we're all too familiar with. We've all lost and we've all mourned. We've all had to become soldiers and heroes, protecting one another from the grave dangers all around us.

This is a battle that none of us wanted. A battle that we all entered with heavy hearts, knowing that the enemy was ourselves; the enemy that has been lurking beneath our fears and hiding behind our weaknesses.

We've won battles, not only against those who would do us harm, but also in reclaiming what is rightfully ours. But, we should never forget the price that we've had to pay and the laws that we've had to pass in doing so.

Our hope has always been that great peace is on the horizon. We've always hoped that one day, these wounds would finally be healed and salvation could be found. Therefore, we have the great responsibility to use what God gave us to help others and make a difference in their lives.

Our children deserve a better future. A future where they don't have to face their fears alone; where they can look into the darkness and find hope. So let's all inspire by example and fight this battle, no matter the cost.

This world is sick and spinning out of control, but we can help. With our love, strength and compassion, we can help. And with our help, we can heal.

Let's show them all what we're capable of...

I'm No Superman...

I ask myself, why do things turn so bad when it has been so beautiful? I am left hanging, but I wish not for long. I know we'll work things out. We always do.

A Legend in the Making?

Rome was a night to remember. The moment Lionel Messi netted in the second goal was pure magic. Xavi's curling cross into the box wasn't dealt with the Man U defence, and the little Argentine, probably the smallest player on the pitch, scored a beautiful header from twelve yards out. A masterpiece from a maestro.
Christiano Ronaldo may be the world's greatest player, but Messi is in a class of his own. A great player scores goals and wins matches, but an ace ignites sparks of brilliance. Messi's goal ignited sparks all over the world.
His well-timed jump eluded the towering heights of Rio Ferdinand and Nemanja Vidic, and the finish-extraordinary.He didn't go for power. Just a little twist of his head and he effortlessly sent the ball looping over the groping arms of Edwin Van de Sar. Now that's one hell of a football ace.
At just twenty-two, Messi has done and shown us all. The twists and turns of the legendary Zinedine Zidane, the flicks and tricks of former teammate Ronaldinho Gaucho, the pace and power of his similarly built idol Diego Maradona, and the timely runs and lethal finishes of present partner-in-crime Thierry Henry. And we all know he's not stopping just yet. Until he does, then God help all those who meet Barcelona when Lionel Messi plays. God help them all.

A Letter from Heaven...

I came across this story on the internet not long ago. A very touching story about the death of a nine year-old boy who suffered from cancer, and a letter he wrote to his mother from the skies above.
Shortly after his funeral, the boy's mother sat alone in his bedroom, clutching his toys and stuff, weeping in silence and asking herself, 'of all the things I have in this world, why must God take away my little baby?' At that very moment, the mother sensed a sudden urge to look through her son's drawers, and there it was. A letter addressed to 'Mommy', and she could recognize that handwriting anywhere. It was a letter from her son.

'Dear mommy. Upon reaching the gates of heaven, I was given a very warm welcome. The angels all around me sang beautifully, and God greeted me with a big smile. I sat on His lap and asked Him if I could write to you from heaven, but He politely said no. I told Him that you would be missing me so much, and I just wanted to tell you not to worry about me. He smiled again and gave me His pen and a piece of paper. He told me that only you can read this 'magic' letter, as it would appear blank to everyone else.
I don't want you to cry for me anymore, mommy. I'm happy here and I want you to be happy too. Now that I'm in heaven, my cancer is gone and I no longer feel any pain. So, you don't have to worry. The angels have promised to take good care of me here, and I'm pretty sure they will.
I don't want you to throw away all my stuff. I want you to keep them, not because I want you to always think of me. But I want you and Daddy to adopt a son, and give him everything that was once mine. My clothes, my toys, and the endless love that you have always provided. I never wanted to leave you, but since I'm gone now, I want you to always have a son to love, just like when you had me.
I have to go now, mommy. God says He needs His pen to write in the Book of Life. Maybe I'll write again to you some other time. The angel Gabriel will take this letter to you, and I told him to put it somewhere in my room. I don't know where, but I'm glad you found it.

I'll always love you, mommy. I'll love you forever, just like how you love me. Sorry for leaving you and Daddy, but I'm sure there's something better awaiting you ahead. Goodbye, mommy.
PS. Don't forget to thank God for lending me His pen.'

I almost cried reading this. The letter was from a NINE year-old. Even children know that life must go on, no matter how bad it may seem. Come to think of it, do you realize how WE usually react to life's trials and tribulations?

Romeo & Juliet...

This song was originally recorded by Dire Straits back in the 1980's and was recently covered by The Killers. According to Brandon Flowers, this is one the most 'beautiful' songs he had ever listened to. I'd have to agree with Flowers. I don't know why, but this song IS just so beautiful.

A lovestruck Romeo, sings the streets a serenade
Laying everybody low with a love song that he made
Finds a streetlight, steps out of the shade
Says something like, "You and me, babe, how about it?"

Juliet says, "Hey, it's Romeo, you nearly gave me a heart attack"
He's underneath the window, she's singing "Hey, la, my boyfriend's back!
You shouldn't come around here, singing up people like that
Anyway, what you gonna do about it?"

Juliet, the dice was loaded from the start
And I bet, that you exploded in my heart
And I forget, I forget.. the movie song
When you gonna realize, it was just that the time was wrong, Juliet?

Come up on different streets, they both were streets of shame
Both dirty, both mean, yes and the dream was just the same
And I dream your dream for you and now your dream is real
How can you look at me, as if I was just another one of your deals?

Well, you can fall for chains of silver, you can fall for chains of gold
You can fall for pretty strangers and the promises they hold
You promised me everything, you promised me thick and thin, yeah
Now you just say, "Oh, Romeo, yeah, you know I used to have a scene with him"

Juliet, when we made love, you used to cry
I said, "I love you like the stars above, I love you 'till I die"
And there's a place for us, you know the movie song
When you gonna realize, it was just that the time was wrong, Juliet?

I can't do the talk, like the talk on the TV
And I can't do a love song, like the way it's meant to be
I can't do everything, but I'd do anything for you
I can't do anything except be in love with you

And all I do is miss you and the way we used to be
All I do is keep the beat, and the bad company
And all I do is kiss you, through the bars of a Rhyme
Juliet, I'd do the stars with you any time

The lyrics may not sound so beautiful, as the song is about two 'lovers' who learnt the art of 'love making' from watching the movies(quoted from Mark Knopfler of D.S.). But listening to it brings out a totally different feeling. Maybe you should try and see for yourselves...

The Battle will be Won...

I woke up this evening with a big smile on my face. Things seem to tilt towards the brighter side of life, and nothing seems out of place. Most of the things from the 'CRAP checklist'(originally named '@$$ignments galore') have been completed and submitted, although some are now LOST due to some technical malfunctions(cobaan...). But still, aku tetap bersyukur kepada Tuhan for the 'ketenangan dan kedamaian' in my life right now.
I received a call from 'the Mothership of Love' a few minutes after waking up(your mom will always know when you're awake, even in the middle of the night, so always remember her). She wished me the best in submitting all my work and told me she'd pray hard for me may I pass the exams with flying colours(terima kasih, Umi. you're the best, and you'll always be).
That was all about the 'Mothership of Love'. What about the 'Epitome of Sweetness?' =p Well, things have been unfolding interestingly this whole week, and I hope they will get better and better. There are always the 'pros and cons' when you get involved in something, but we're both looking up at the pros for now. Let all the others who are being negative about this say whatever they want. When they're done talking, they'll shut up eventually. So, why bother? 'Sticks and stones may break my bones, but your words will NEVER hurt me.'
The next two weeks will still be hell, but with this 'awakening' within me, hell will freeze over one day(it's just a metaphorical expression, dan tidak terlintas sedikit pun niat di hati untuk mempersoalkan ciptaan Tuhan). No more groping in the dark trying to find my way out. I see bright lights everywhere around me, and right now, I'm really lucky to have this little angel by my side to help guide me towards the better things in life.
'One day, time will tell and truth will prevail'. When that time has finally come, the battle will be won. Trust me on this one...=)

Cigarettes, Coffee & Building Sandcastles in the Air...

I'm sitting by the window, listening to the rain, wishing someone was here to share these 'syahdu' moments with me. Just someone I could talk to, or someone to be quiet with. Looking at a friend's checklist of crap a.k.a. @$$ignments to be done, I put on my usual fake plastic smile(with clenched fists). Sabar, bro. Sabar separuh dari iman..
Suddenly, I thought of what happened last night. Mengenangkan ke'kentang'an tindak-tanduk aku, aku tertawa seorang diri. It's okay. At least I tried. Quoting a friend's words, 'At least you have the courage to tell kan?' And whatever happens, I'm prepared for any consequences.
As I start feeling bored listening to the pitter-patter of the never-ending rain outside, I surf the net and search for that song. That song which I've never heard for quite a long time. But, why that song? Don't bother figuring out. =p

'Untaian rasa yang kuselitkan,
semoga mampu meluluhkan hati pemilik senyum itu...
Pelbagai cara akan kucuba,
agar aku takkan kehilangan pandangan dari senyum itu...
Dan di saat kukatakan, jadi kekasihku,
akan membuat kau jauh lebih hebat...'

Hahaha. Jiwang siot aku. But then again, building sandcastles in the air once in a while helps relieve all that stress. Trust me. It does.
I think soon enough, this fake plastic smile of mine will be go right into the incinerator. =)

Super Seven : Masters of the Pitch

Guess what? We do have skillful Malaysians on the football field, scattered all over the four corners of the globe. Why don't F.A.M. try giving them international call-ups? =p

Suhaili 'TaroTaro' Basri
Age : 19
Position : Centre Forward
Nationality : French/Malaysian
Club : Arsenal Youth (England)
Awards : Barclays Youth Player of the Year 08
Jersey No : 14

Azroy de Crucken Minoza (Krakinho)
Age : 20
Position : Right Wing Back
Nationality : Brazilian/Spanish/Malaysian
Club : Boca Juniors (Argentina)
Awards : Copa Libertadores Best Young Player 08
Jersey No : 4

Khairul Luis Carew
Age : 23
Position : Attacking Midfielder
Nationality : Jamaican/Malaysian
Club : Werder Bremen (Germany)
Awards : Most Assists, Bundesliga 07-08
Jersey No : 10

Zarul Z. McPhae
Age : 26
Position : Defensive Midfielder
Nationality : English/Malaysian
Club : Newcastle United (England)
Awards : EPL Youth Player of the Year 98
Jersey No : 8

Sep Tawameru
Age : 17
Position : Left Winger
Nationality : Indian/Malaysian
Club : East Bengal (India)
Status : Wonderkid
Jersey No : 11

'Sticky' Icky Kimura
Age : 23
Position : Centre Defender
Nationality : Japanese/Malaysian
Club : Woodlands Wellingtons (Singapore)
Awards : Best Foreign Player, S-League 08
Jersey No : 3

Gianluigi Boteng
Age : 21
Position : Goalkeeper
Nationality : Italian/Malaysian
Club : Juventus Reserves (Italy)
Awards : Best Goalkeeper, FIFA Youth World Cup 07
Jersey No : 28

Mati Hidup Kembali...

Jalanraya terlampau sunyi untukku terus bermimpi
Mataku belum mengantuk lagi, bawa ke mana saja ku pergi
Tunjukkan aku bulan gerhana, tiada siapa yang nak kujumpa
Benda yang tiada kusangka ada, oh tak mengapa, oh tak mengapa

Angkasa penuh dengan bunyian, kucapai sebelah tangan
Di sebalik awan ada cahaya, bercahayalah selamanya
Aku tertawa seorang diri, darah yang mengalir terhenti
Fikiranku melayang-layang, tiada siapa yang perasan

Malam semalam gundah gulana
Hari ini hari mulia
Tak pernah daku rasa begini
Seperti mati hidup kembali

Bawaku hilang dari ingatan
Hari ini sehingga esok
Tak pernah daku rasa begini
Seperti MATI HIDUP KEMBALI...

(this song has been going over and over in my head for the past few days. is there something yang buat aku rasa seperti mati hidup kembali?=p)

Rock & Roll Never Dies!

We've not had our usual jamming sessions recently, due to the heavy workload everyone's complaining about, and I think my nerves are all tied up. All work and no play made Jack a dull boy, and I would never want that to happen to me. Kawan2 ku..marilah kita g jam..please?huhu..
I'm not a professional, but I'm lucky to have band-mates who have their own skills and talents. Every time we jam, I don't feel like an amateur, because these dudes never fail to light up my spirits. That's why we always 'rock & roll' like there's no tomorrow!=p
Music has always been the one thing that bonds us together, although we're all different in many ways. Different music genres or ideologies? F**k that crap. Music is universal, and you should be thankful to The Al-Mighty for blessing you with these little things called ears so that you can listen to all the comforting sounds everywhere around you.
I'm not picky with music, because I grew up listening to many many different types of music(my late dad used to be a musician during his pre-marital years, but he gave it up as my mother didn't approve of it as a decent profession). I knew about QUEEN, LED ZEPPELIN, BLACK SABBATH and all other 'rock & roll powerhouses' before I even started primary school, and I've never discriminated any type of music that I hear. Indon? J-Rock? Pop? Heck, I can even sing along to some Hindustani songs that my mom loves!hahahaha..
Music may be percieved as 'melalaikan' by certain people(no offence to anyone), but music to me is chicken soup for the soul. It's you who determines whether it's 'melalaikan' or not. You don't have to neglect other important matters in life just to cater to your fanatism towards music. You don't have to give up your career just to pursue your dreams of becoming a rock-star. When you get tangled up in all those shit, that's when it becomes really 'melalaikan'.
And now, i'm preaching about music(how ironic!). I think I'd better stop before I go further on and on and on. You may have heard this before, but I'm still going to say it. 'A lot of things in life may come and go, but ROCK & ROLL NEVER DIES!!!'

There's a Lumberjack in My Heart...

Breaking up with someone after three++ years of 'commited' courting sucks big time. Your heart has always been true to this particular person through all those years, but suddenly you wake up one morning and she isn't there anymore. Wait and hope all you want, sucker, but she's never coming back. Just deal with it.
Done. And the results? You now have a heart of stone. You vow(with pure hatred and vengeance) that you'll NEVER commit yourself to a relationship with the opposite gender until you've completed your 'foya2 di kala bujang' period.(FYI, this period does not necessarily involve 'sex, drugs n rock & roll', so please wipe out those stereotypical thoughts!)
Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, you slowly forget the one who left and you move on, without any intentions of falling in love again for now until who-knows-when.
Until one day...jeng jeng jeng...
Someone unintentionally 'unlocks' your heart, without even having to use words or actions. She lets the lumberjack in just like that. You try to deny it, telling yourself that it's just a 'temporary crush' like the ones you used to have during high school. But that darn lumberjack seems to grow bigger and stronger everyday, and your heart is beaten into pulp everytime you look at her. Now, we have a serious problem, mister.
You are way way way out of her league. Yup. 'Bagaikan merak kayangan dengan gagak yang busuk.' And it's not about the beauty of this peacock(although she is sooo sweet), its everything about her that makes the crow feel totally inferior. She is humble, charming, polite, intellectual(intelligence is sexy) and most importantly, she is the type of girl who speaks her mind.
So, what do you do now? Tell her how you feel(and prepare yourself for rejection) or just keep your lips sealed?
Whatever it is, you better start thinking of the next move quickly, coz this lumberjack will go on beating the crap out of your tiny little heart until something is done...

In Loving Memories...

When Allahyarham Kamaruzzaman Sarjonoh passed away back in 2006, I was still getting to know him. We rarely met after I enrolled into boarding school, as I was home only during the long school holidays. He was of course, 'rarely' at home, but I couldn't blame him for being a Singaporean and having to keep his job over at the tiny republic just to make sure we had food on our table.
'Don't they always seem to go? You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone.' I'd have to agree with Joni Mitchell. I've always had an angel of a father, but being the pathetic homosapien that I am, I've never realized that fact until the day The Al-Mighty called his name from up in the heavens.
His absence remains a deafening silence in the air around me until this very day, stirring up emotions inside me that I have yet learnt to stifle with words. I had not only lost a father; I lost a friend, a strong supportive hand and a guardian. He was the type of man I wanted to grow up to be when I was a child, but I know I will never get even close to that level.
If there was a Noble prize for the best father, Allahyarham would have nailed it for many years running. No doubt about that. He would also have won countless medals of honour for his courage, passion and determination during his tireless 'years of service'. But even if he didn't get all that, I would still be the proudest son on the entire planet.
Allahyarham may not be here with me today, but I know that he can always see and hear me from up there, smiling and striking his favourite 'thumbs-up' pose whenever I acheive success in anything I do.
'You will make my strength your own. You may feel left-out at times, but always remember that you are never alone. You will see my life through your eyes, the way I see yours through mine.'
In loving memories, I recite Al-Fatihah and pray may Allah SWT bless your soul for eternity...We all miss you...

Days of Ashes...

'if you can't beat them, join them!' Well, here I am. I must admit, I'm not an ardent fan of blogs and stuff, but after going through some of my friends' writings (due to the thought of 'apa lagi kah yg harus ku buat dgn servis internet ini?') 'bloggin' does seem quite interesting after all.
I seriously don't care if nobody ever visits this page and what not, because it's MY blog. It's my own personal space where I can speak whatever I want about whatever I think. Malaysia is, after all, a democratic country where everyone is free to speak their minds, right?
Speaking of minds, I'm glad I've finally 'freed' my mind from all those thoughts and memories of yesteryear, which have kept haunting me and killing me slowly from inside. I no longer wake up in the middle of the night, cursing and swearing after dreaming of things that I can't possibly get. I no longer contemplate whether things would return into place like how it used to be before. I no longer believe that life has always been unfair, or that 'nice guys finish last'.
These fears and shadows may still remain inside me, but my days of ashes are officially over. It's time I start savouring the things that matter the most to me, rather than wishing for things that aren't just meant to be. It's time for me to live my life the way I want it to be and explore everything that comes my way.
I would like to thank my blood-brothers (you know who you are, dudes) for sticking with me through thick and thin and helping me get back on my own two feet after I crippled myself falling from the skies. One of my brothers once mentioned, 'Love may come and go, but brotherhood is thicker than the blood running through your veins.' Right on, brother.
I may have lost the one thing that I've held on to for so long, but I'm not going to lose anything anymore. I'm not the same old boy who was always dreaming of a happy life ahead of him, but I'm now a man who is working his ass off to ensure that 'happy life ahead of him' becomes a reality.
So long, days of ashes. It's time to start over fresh and sober, free from any left-overs of yesteryear...